Why Men Lie and Women Cry

Author: Allan and Barbara Pease

Genre: Relationships, Self- Help

Allan and Barbara Pease, a couple themselves, have written this international bestseller novel, selling millions of copies around the world. Both the authors of the book travelled to over 30 countries to collect, collate and research in order to write this book about the opposite sex.  This book comes after their previous one: “why men don’t listen and women can’t read the maps”. In this book they have catalogued 40 most frequently asked questions about men, women, their relationships across the world and have given answers to those questions using research, surveys, common sense etc.

  • Nagging – Women nag men every day, in their mind they are just helping them remind about things that must be done like daily chores, taking medication etc. It is their way of showing that they care, but men don’t see this in the same light. However, men view their own nagging very differently (they don’t nag, they pass on their wisdom to women as they are assertive leaders!)
  • Seven things that men do, that drives women insane – The number of annoying traits that women find in men are many but 7 most frequently told are:
  1. Why do men continually offer solutions and give advice?
  2. Why do men keep flicking through the channels with the remote control?
  3. Why won’t men stop and ask for directions?
  4. Why do men insist on leaving the toilet seat up?
  5. Why do men make such a fuss about going shopping?
  6. Why do men have such disgusting personal habits?
  7. Why do men love gross jokes?

The book throws light on each of these with possible solutions and real life case studies.

  • Why women cry – Crying is assumed as one of the most powerful weapons of emotional blackmailing. Most of the times people cry as a way of manipulating others’ emotions rather than crying from heart. While men occasionally do this, women on the other hand use tears as a way of emotionally blackmailing others.
  • Women’s top-secret point- scoring system- Most men are totally unaware that women keep a point score on their partners overall performance in a relationship. Women own the scoreboard and keep the scores subconsciously. Women allocate one point per action or gift, regardless of its size. This again has been explained with the help of a case study done on a couples like Brian and Lorraine. And it will help readers understand the psychology behind this scoring system and solutions to make the relationship work better.
  • Solving the 7 biggest mysteries about men- The next chapter in the book throws light on 7 most commonly asked questions by women on more information about the opposite sex. The authors again have answered and give solutions to each one of them by giving true examples based on their research.
  1. Why don’t men know much about how their friends live?
  2. Why do men avoid commitment?
  3. Why do men feel the need to be right about everything?
  4. Why are grown up men so interested in ‘boys’ toys?
  5. Why can men only seem to do one thing at a time?
  6. Why are men so addicted to sports?
  7. What do men really talk about in the rest room?
  • The other woman: His mother – Well difficult mother-in-law aren’t a major problem for most men. A mans MIL might irritate him, nag him and exasperate him but most men don’t usually dislike them. The real drama comes from man’s mother. Research carried out by Utah State University showed that 50% of all marriages had real problems between the daughter in law and her husbands trouble making recalcitrant mother.
  • Women’s secret ways with words – After a decade of survey about how men and women communicate, authors have been able to draw science of human behaviour to explain differences between opposite sex, and most importantly, they have also developed strategies to deal with these differences. The 5 most asked questions about the way women communicate:
  1. Why do women talk so much?
  2. Why do women always want to talk about problems?
  3. Why do women exaggerate?
  4. Why do women never seem to get to the point?
  5. Why do women want to know all the little details?
  • Women’s sex appeal test – Next in the line is a test based on a woman’s physical appearance, shape and presentation. The test determines what and how much impact would you make on a man when he first sees you. The test is a set of 20 questions one after other with 3 options to choose from. After you are done, add all the numbers you get in each question. And your result will tell you where you stand on sexuality either you are a sex siren, miss elegance or you are one of the boys. So go take your test right away…
  • What made Roger Rabbit’s eyes pop out- This chapter starts with a case study about a couple whose marriage breaks just because the woman in the relationship stopped giving importance to her physical appearance. She stopped grooming herself, stopped putting effort in getting ready and going out. Well, there is a reason that flowers are pretty. Every person gives out certain signals that make them desirable to the potential mate. The chapter talks about what turns men on most in women’s body, the things that draws you to someone before you hear them speak or know who they are.
  • Men’s sex appeal test- Similar to women’s appeal test this test tells a man whether he is a cool cat, a pussy cat or an alley cat based on a 17 set of questions each with three choices. Sum your answers and follow the instructions and voila…
  • Male sex appeal- What turns women on or attracts women sexually to a man, it is half of what turns on men about women. This is because female sex appeal is a sophisticated, complex process where as male physical sex appeal is much more basic and straightforward. So, to attract the opposite sex, work on your communication and relationship skills. Work on your personality.
  • “Does this outlook make me look big?”- “Only enemies speak the truth. Friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty.” By Stephen King. We lie for two reasons- to make a gain or to avoid a pain. We lie to please and make a good image in front of others when we meet. The book gives reader insight on how to spot lies, avoid lying, reading between the lines etc.

  • When a hunter hangs up his bow: Retirement- A stage in everyone’s life comes when its to get retired from the job or business one has been doing from past many years. The retiring people in the ratio of the working people is increasing in number which in return has less people to contribute in national retirement schemes per retiree. The retirement has both positives and negatives in one’s life and to overcome those cons and to fully enjoy the pros the book has to offer lot of solutions to consider post retirement. It talks about main facets like how to deal with retirement, a plan of action, social activity, health, sport activity, charity work, spiritual awakening, financial planning etc.

Once you start reading the book you will definitely come across parts in the book where you will say, “oh this is me!” or “now I know why”. Having said that, the book often generalizes and many feminist may come out feeling upset about gender jokes and sweeping advices. Few examples may have become outdated.

Why You Should Read This Book: The book is funny and has lot of examples & case studies to support each of the questions and problems. All the above-mentioned problems occur in both the sex’s lives and the book offers practical solutions to each one of them. The book will help in improving communication between the sexes and understanding each other better.

Goodreads Link: Why Men Lie And Women Cry by Allan Pease | Goodreads